


Will you be there when I wake up?

by whatsaclancy



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: AU, Arnold and Poptarts are supportive best friends, Camp, Communication, Dorms, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idk what I’m doing, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Missions, Mormons, Mostly Fluff, Secret Relationship, Snow, Some angst, Trust, Winter, forest, hell dreams, ive made a lot of stuff up for the sake of the storyline, mcpricely - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21568366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsaclancy/pseuds/whatsaclancy
Summary: With only a few months to go before his mission, Connor is sent to a camp to learn all the essential skills. Immediately, he clicks with his new dormmate, Mormon prodigy Kevin Price. But both of them soon realise that maybe there’s more to life than the church.
Relationships: Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price, Elder Church/Elder Thomas (Book of Mormon Musical)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first work that I’ve actually published, so go easy on me.

I wander through, looking for my cabin. There’s just over four months until I am sent on my mission, and while I would prefer to spend that time with my family, they insisted on me going a camp that will teach me everything I need to know. 

Cabin 20. 

I put the key in the lock and turn. The door creaks open. Inside is exactly what you would expect. Oak walls, two wooden beds, a wardrobe, and a door leading to what I assume is a bathroom. On one bed sits another boy, my cabin mate, with his head stuck in the Book of Mormon. He looks so deep in concentration, I don’t know if I should interrupt. His blue grey eyes fixate on the words. I don’t think I’ve ever been that focused. I put my bags down next to the free bed and sit down. The other guy looks up and a smile spreads across his pale pink lips.   
“Hi, I’m Elder Price, but you can call me Kevin!” He gets up and goes to shake my hand. I accept the offer.   
“Connor McKinley!” I hope my hands aren’t to sweaty. I don’t know why the would be, it’s winter, but I feel strangely nervous. He sits back down on his bed and I do the same.   
“Are you excited for your mission?” I ask him.   
“Yes! I’ve been preparing for it my whole life. I mean, so have you, but not like this. I just can’t wait to get out and change the world!” His face is filled with excitement, and it’s hard not to smile.   
“Yeah? Anywhere you really want to be sent?”  
“Well, anywhere I get sent is heavenly fathers will. But, I’ve been praying I get sent to my favourite place in the whole world.”  
“Where’s that?” He looks off dreamily and sighs.   
“Orlando.”   
“Have you been there?”  
“When I was little, my family went on holiday there, and it was incredible! We went to sea world, we did Mini golf and-!” I gasp.   
“You went to Disney?”  
“Yeah!”  
“OMGosh, that’s so cool!”  
“It was the best. It really is the most magical place on earth.”  
“I really want to go there.”  
“Maybe you’ll get sent to Orlando!”   
“That would be amazing,” I respond. Even though I’m not the biggest fan of Florida, I’d love to be so close to Disney. I decide not to mention the Florida thing, because I couldn’t kill the sparkle in his eyes if I tried. I ask him about his family and he talks about his three brothers and sister. I take note of how highly he speaks of Isiah and Joesph, and how he speaks much less of Jack and Elizabeth.   
“Jack was meant to go on his mission this year, but he skipped it. We’re not happy.”  
“Oh. And Elizabeth?” He sighs. “Right.”  
“Do you have any siblings?”  
“Three. All younger. Sinead is the oldest, she’s 12, then Daragh, who just turned three, and Niamh, who’s one.”  
“You’re Irish?” He guesses.   
“Yeah. I got off easy with Connor.”  
“It suits you. With your red hair and stuff.”  
“Well, all of my family have the classic Irish dark hair and blue eyes. I just got a weird gene.”  
“I wouldn’t call it weird.”  
“No?”  
“No. I like it.” I run my hand through my hair nervously.   
“Thanks.” There’s a persistent knock on the door.   
“Come in!” A grey haired man in uniform enters the room.   
“Elders! Nice to see you two are getting along. In five minutes, we’re planning to start the introduction, and then, we’ll have dinner. They’re both in the main hall. See you soon! And praise god!”   
“Praise god!” We repeat in unison. He smiles at us and leaves.   
“Should we go?” I ask.   
“Are we allowed to get changed for dinner?”  
“Yeah. Good idea.” I get up go to my suitcase, pulling out jeans, a loose T-shirt and a hoodie. I go into the bathroom and change. When I come back out, Kevin is not wearing a shirt.   
“Oh!” I look at the ground. “Sorry.”   
“It’s all good.” He rummages through his bag and my eyes drift up to his surprisingly muscular chest. Turn it off. Turn it off. I think hard. “Are you ok?” I open my eyes. He’s holding a white shirt.   
“Uhh, Yeah. I’m fine.” He slips the shirt over his head.   
“What’s wrong?”  
“Oh nothing.” He gives me a pleading look. “I’m just hungry.”   
“Ahh. Let’s get to dinner then.”


	2. Chapter two

At dinner, we get grouped with other pairs of elders. We’re with Elder Cunningham and Elder Thomas, Elder Church and Elder Zelder, and Elder Davis and Elder Neely. Kevin knows Elder Cunningham, and Elder Thomas, or Poptarts is my closest friend. We have a simple dinner, then return to our dorms. We’re allowed to wander around until nine, a rule that they have on missions as well. We all gather in the elder church and and Elder Zelders dorm. We get there at about 7:00.  
“Should we all introduce ourselves?” I ask.  
“Yeah! You can start, Connor,” Poptarts says.  
“Ok. Um, I’m Elder McKinley, or Connor. I live in a small country town in Utah. And...I guess I dance a bit.”  
“You dance?” Kevin looks at me in awe.  
“Not really.”  
“I highly doubt that.” I shrug. “Alright you’re showing me later.”  
“No way.”  
“Yes. Hi, I’m Elder Price, I’m from Salt Lake City, and I love Orlando.”  
“I’m Elder Thomas, I’m from the same town as Connor, and I love Poptarts. A lot.” I laugh.  
“Is it my turn? Oh! Hi! I’m Elder Cunningham! I’m from Salt Lake City, and I love Star Wars! And also lord of the rings. But mostly Star Wars. Also, i love hot chocolates.” He grins.  
“I’m Elder Church, or James, I’m from Wyoming, and I’m going to be laughed at every time I introduce myself.”  
“Why?”  
“Hello! My name is Elder Church from the Church of the Latter Day Saints!”  
“Oh.” He nods.  
“James, you’re not going to be laughed at nearly as much as I am. I’m Elder Zelder.” James grimaces.  
“Yeah. Hi, I’m Jacob Zelder, I’m from Idaho and...I love cats!”  
“I’m Bill Davis, I’m from St George, and I love chocolate, and my ferrets!”  
“My name is Pat Neely, also from St George, and I love playing paddleball!” It’s such a strange and specific fact about him, but Kevin did say he loved Orlando, and its hard to avoid catching Elder Neely’s energy. We all sit and chat for a while. At about eight, Kevin turns to me and says “Do you want to go back now?”  
“We still have a hour if you want to stay,” I respond, even though I’m definitely ready to go back. He shakes his head.  
“I’m kinda tired, so I might go back.”  
“Same. I’ll come with you.” He turns back to the rest of the group.  
“We’re gonna go back to our dorm now, but its been really great meeting all of you. We’ll see you tomorrow!”  
“‘Night guys!” I say standing up. They all bid us goodnight and we go out into the frozen early winter air. “D’you think it’ll snow soon?”  
“Gosh, I hope not.”  
“What?! You don’t like snow?!”  
“It’s too cold!”  
“I’m going to make you like snow.”  
“Only if you dance for me.”  
“Oh, that’s why we’re going back early.”  
“Please?” He looks into my eyes, pleading with me. I can’t say no.  
“Fine. But only quickly.” We go inside and turn the light on. I take off my hoodie. “So, what kind?”  
“Of dance? What do you know?”  
“A few I guess. Tap, ballet, contemporary, Latin. The basics.”  
“That’s already more than I know. Do some...ballet.” I roll my eyes.  
“Fine.” There’s a small radio on our nightstand. I turn it on and flick through, finding the classical station. Thankfully, I’ve done a routine to this song before. Vivaldi’s number one, spring, from the four seasons. It’s one of my favourite orchestral pieces. I start, nervous and wanting to impress Kevin, and make a mistake. “Gosh, sorry.”  
“It’s good!” I smile and keep going, focusing more on the music than being perfect. It works, and my nerves disappear. Suddenly, I’m not performing to Kevin, but escaping. I get lost in the swaying violin part, the legato strokes of the soloist, compared to the sharper bowings of the cellist. The song slows and I’m thrown back into reality. I turn to face Kevin, wiping a bead of sweat off of my forehead. He looks taken aback, but slowly comes back to his senses and claps.  
“Wow.” I laugh. “I’m serious. Like, when you started I was like ‘darn, he’s a good dancer’, and then you got so into it! It was...it was pretty beautiful to watch.” I blush. Dammit Connor.  
“No...”  
“Have you ever considered doing it professionally?”  
“My parents don’t want me to. It’s not manly enough for them, I think.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah. I’m gonna take a shower, try to cool off.”  
“I might do the same after.”  
“To try and cool off?” I joke. His face goes red.  
“No.” I give him a smile to try to lighten him up. He seems to have gone very tense. I grab a towel and pyjamas and go into the bathroom. 

When I come back, Kevin is sitting in bed reading the Book of Mormon, just like I found him. This time, however, he’s tucked into bed. He’s not wearing a shirt again, despite the fact that we’ve been given specific pyjamas and, oh yeah, it’s winter. I sit down on my bed.  
“Aren’t you cold?” I ask, snuggling under the covers. The shower took away any of the heat I gained from dancing, and winter has begun to set in. He shrugs.  
“I don’t know.” I laugh a little.  
“Alright.” I pull a copy of the book of the nightstand. If I’m honest, I would rather read something else, but I don’t want Kevin to think I’m not dedicated. So, I search through the dull words. After a while, I hear rustling.  
“I’m going to go to sleep now,” Kevin says, settling down.  
“I will too,” I say as he switches off his light.  
“You don’t have to,” He yawns. I settle down and turn mine off.  
“No, I should get some sleep too. Goodnight, Kevin.” He buries his head in his pillow, closing his eyes.  
“Night Connor.” As I drift off to sleep, I know what’s coming, but I’m too tired to stop it, so I let myself descend. 

I wake up in my bed at home. It’s still dark. I hear someone walk up to my bed. The male figure sits beside me. I sit up, and he places his hand on my shoulder and leans closer. I close my eyes and part my lips slightly. I feel his breath on my face, and his other hand goes to my back and I close the gap between us. Instantly, I pull back, screaming in pain as a burning sensation goes through my body.  
“What the heck Connor?” The man becomes Steve Blade, my childhood crush. “What is wrong with you?”  
“I-!” The room melts away around us, and I hear my parents scream. I whip around to see them, flames climbing up their clothes, and the smell of burning flesh hits my nose, making me gag. I’m crying, but I don’t know if it’s seeing my family like this or the smoke that seems to set my eyes on fire.  
“Connor, why would you do this to us?” Mom cries.  
“This is what happens when you disobey the word of god!” Dad yells. The ground starts to shake violently, and I’m thrown onto the cold black stone, hitting my head.  
“Connor. Conner! Connor!” The dream fades away and I’m lying on the floor in my dorm, Kevin standing over me looking terrified. “Connor, are you ok?”  
“I’m fine. It was just a bad dream.” I go to sit up, but my head starts throbbing, so I slump back down. “What happpened?”  
“I woke up and you were just tossing and turning, so I figured you couldn’t sleep and ignored it. Then I heard crying, so I called out to you. When you didn’t respond, and it got worse I went over there, and I tried to shake you awake, but you freaked out more. You rolled off the bed and hit your head on the nightstand. Then I sort of panicked, but you woke up. What happened to you?”  
“Just a nightmare. I get them a lot, its fine. Sorry I woke you.”  
“Actually I woke up before because there was a possum on the roof. Here.” He grabs a pillow off my bed, rests it on the bedside table and helps me sit up. He passes me my water bottle, and I drink over half of it.  
“Thank you.”  
“Connor, what happened in your dream?””It was nothing.” He goes to argue, but then yawns, probably realising he’s too tired for that. “Go back to sleep. I’m fine.” I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile, and he nods.  
“How’s your head?” I stand up slowly. It’s not comfortable, but its fine. I put my pillow back on my bed and slump back down.  
“It’s fine.” He gets back into bed and turns off the light. “Kevin?””Yeah?”  
“Thank you.”  
“No problem. Goodnight, Connor.”  
“Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elder Davis loves ferrets and you can change my mind. 
> 
> As for the paddleball, when I saw Book of Mormon for the second time, I took a bunch of notes, and one of them was the Elder Neely was playing with a paddleball thing, and he was concentrating so hard and it’s much funnier to watch I promise


	3. Chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so apparently people are actually reading this so thank you so much!!
> 
> Also I had to cut this chapter in half so have fun with that. 
> 
> Please let me know if I make any mistakes so I can fix them :)

A week goes on, and every night I’m haunted by the hell dream. None quite as bad as the first, but they’re still there. It’s funny, because ever since I’ve gotten here, they’ve been worse than usual. It doesn’t make sense until Saturday night, when Kevin appears in my dream. 

We’re alone in the woods. Snow has finally fallen, and we’re snuggled up together on a bench to keep warm. I take his hand, but its cold as ice. I turn to him, and he sits there, literally frozen, coated in as layer of ice.

“Kevin?” No response. “Kevin?! Kev!” I look around and the beautiful winter scene turns to a frozen wasteland. I whip around to find that Kevin has disappeared. I hear a muffled scream and run towards it. Two shadowy figures have grabbed him, and begin burying him in the dirty snow. 

“What have you done, Connor?”

“I don’t-.”

“How could you do this to me? This is what happens when you disobey the church! Now I’m going to suffocate under the snow, and that’s if I don’t freeze to death first, all because you can’t just turn it off! That’s what everyone else does! What is so wrong with you that you can’t stop feeling these things? Every other Mormon does it! Maybe not just not cut out for it.”

“I am! I can do it!”

“Maybe you just shouldn’t be alive, if you can’t live how god wants. Do you really think you know what’s right for you? Better than he does? Maybe you would be better off dead.”

“Don’t say that. I wouldn’t. I deserve to be alive. I do.”

“But are you just saying that? Like you always do? Like the big, GAY, COWARD that you are-!” His words are muffled as the last bits of snow cover him. 

“Kevin!” I cry out, worried despite the abuse he’s given me over the past few minutes.   
“KEVIN!” The ground disappears beneath me, and I begin falling down into the ice spiked plane that is hell. Falling, falling, falling, until finally, I hit a spike of ice. 

I jolt up in bed, shivering and hyperventilating. I was just a dream. Just a dream. I lie back down slowly. The first drops of sunlight begin to creep under the curtains, so Kevin will be awake soon. Kevin. No, its real Kevin, not warped hell dream Kevin that told me I was better off dead. Real Kevin, who cared for me on the first night, who said my dancing was beautiful. I like this Kevin. Too much. 

Since it’s Sunday, we’re allowed to do whatever we want until the service at 10:30. At about eight, Kevin, sits up sleepily. 

“Morning Connor!” He yawns. 

“Morning. How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty well, you?” I don’t respond. “Connor?” He gets up and sits down beside me.

“It’s nothing.” He puts his hand over mine, and my heart races as he curls our fingers together.

“Please, Connor.”

“They’re just nightmares! I appreciate the concern, but really Kev, I’m fine.” 

“Ok.” He rests his head upon my shoulder. “I just care about you. A lot.” Oh gosh, this is so, so, hard. 

“Maybe we can sleep a little bit longer,” I say, because it can’t hurt to curl up with a friend.

“Just for a little bit,” Kevin responds, lying down on my bed. I snuggle down beside him, keeping our hands intertwined. The dream will be one hundred times worse when I’m actually cuddling him, but right now, I couldn’t care less. 

...

“Elder Price! Elder McKinley!” I jolt up in bed to see Elder Cunningham. 

“Arnold!” Kevin says in shock. “How did you...did we sleep in?”

“I just came to tell you that the service has been postponed until this evening. What’s...what’s going on?”

“Connor didn’t sleep last night.”  
”I’ve been getting nightmares.”

“Yeah. Why is it postponed?” Arnold grins.

“It’s snowing!” While Kevin groans, I exclaim in excitement. 

“Why?”

“Because it’s December, and it’s fun! And beautiful!” 

“It’s cold, and wet and gross and I hate it.” I grab his hand and pull him out the door.   
“No, no, no, no, no, no. Connor!” He runs back inside and I laugh. Arnold waits outside. 

“We’ll get dressed and meet you guys out here,” I say with a smile.

“Ok!” Arnold runs off and I go back inside, where Kevin is sulking on my bed, the quilt wrapped around him.

“Hey! Go back to your bed!”

“This one’s warmer! And I wouldn’t be cold if you hadn’t dragged me outside.”

“You’re not wearing a shirt. IN WINTER.”

“Hey how did you sleep?” I sit down next to him. 

“Actually very well. What time is it?”

“10:34.”

“It’s weird how one dreamless, peaceful sleep can leave you feeling so refreshed, even if it was for only two and a half hours.”

“I’m glad.”

“So am I. Now get off my bed.” He rolls his eyes but obeys, and goes to the cupboard, where he pulls out his uniform, along with the standard bottle green v-neck jumper. “Does that mean you’re going outside?”

“It doesn’t mean I’m going to enjoy it,” he says closing the bathroom door. I quickly throw on some clothes and head for the door. 

“I’ll meet you outside!”

“Ok!” I hurry outside and run straight into Poptarts. “Hi!”

“Connor! I was just coming to talk to you.”

“About what?” He starts walking and beckons me to come with him. I do, but I can tell this is going to be serious, and I would much rather be enjoying the first snow of the year. Once we’re quite a way out of the camp, he speaks up. 

“Arnold said that when he came in this morning you and Elder Price were sharing a bed?” Oh no.

“Yeah?”

“He didn’t think much of it, but I thought I’d talk to you.”

“About what?”

“About you and him?”

“Yeah?”

“Connor, you know what I mean.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Because of the hell dreams?” I don’t respond. “Is he in them?”

“Last night,” I admit, staring at my feet. 

“Look, I understand what you’re going through.” I sit down on a bench and Chris does the same. I think about what he just said.

“Arnold?!”

“No! No offence to Arnold, but he’s not my type.”

“Oh. You have a type?”

“Shut up.”

“Gosh, Chris, what are we doing?”  
”What do you mean?”

“I mean we’re sitting on the edge of a Mormon Missionary training camp talking about guys.” He laughs. 

“We’ll be fine.”

“I hope so. So, who-?” I’m cut off by Kevin.

“Connor?!” I turn around and smile at him. 

“Kevin! Come sit with us!” He runs over and sits down next to me.

“I was looking for you. What are you guys talking about?” Ok, I need to think quick. We can’t lie, that’s a sin. We can tell the truth, because that’s also a sin. “Was it about your...?”

“I mean, a little bit, but-.”

“Elder Thomas, Connor won’t tell me anything.”

“No comment.” 

“How can I help?” 

“Kev, you’re helping loads.”

“But-.”

“I really appreciate it. Seriously. You’re amazing.” I smile at him, and our hands intertwine. Chris clears his throat and my head spins back to him. Kevin is more reluctant. He stares out at the forest that is stretched out beneath us as a light layer of snow sprinkles down. 

“The view is amazing.”

“Even with the snow?” I can hear the eye roll.

“Yes, even with the snow.” 

“Yes!” I whisper in excitement. “Kevin hated snow, and I told him I would get him to like it. And I did.”

“I didn’t say I liked it, I just said it adds to the view.” 

“Sure.”

“So Elder Price, are you enjoying your time here?”

“Yeah! It’s so good to learn everything so my mission will be perfect, and on top of that, its in an amazing venue. How do you find it?”

“Same. I’ve met some really great people who I wouldn’t have otherwise.”

“Yeah, you said that,” I comment. He ignores me.

“So have I,” Kevin says, giving me a little nudge. I blush a little. “So how long do we have today?”

“The service is at four, and its 11 right now, so...”   
“What should we do?”

“Sleep,” I suggest. 

“Why don’t we explore the woods? I’ll grab James and the others.” James....who’s james...? Oh! Elder Church. Oh...Elder Church. Chris holds out a hand to help me up, and I groan.

“Surely we can sleep a little bit longer?” 

“Nope.” He grabs me and pulls, not giving me any choice but to stand.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I kind of forgot about this for a while but I’m back

Everyone is chatting on the space of grass outside Elder Neely and Elder Davis’ dorm. 

“We’re going for a walk, does anyone want to come?”  
”Yes!” Elder Cunningham exclaims. Church shrugs.

“Sure, why not?” The rest seem to follow. There’s light banter as they walk down the hill. Once they hit the forest, Elder Church addresses the group. 

“What do you think is going to let you down on your mission? Like what trait?”

“Gosh, that was quick,” Elder Zelder comments. I nod.

“I can start! I guess you could say I’m a bit of a gossip.”

“A bit?” Chris objects. 

“Ok, a lot! Who’s going next?”

“Well, you know how I told you all I loved hot chocolate?”

“Yeah?”

“I actually hate hot chocolate. I love juice.”

“Then why..?”

“Because Arnold is a pathological liar.”

“Bishop Reynolds says I have a real problem.”

“There is no Bishop Reynolds.”

“Wow,” I say. 

“What about you, Elder McKinley?”

“I don’t know. Kevin?” I repsond, passing off the question. 

“I’m very self-absorbed.” I laugh. 

“You’re what now?”

“I’m selfish, and arrogant, and I...”

“You what?”

“Nevermind.”

“You are so not selfish, Kevin.”

“I am, but thank you. Anyway, Connor, you never answered.” 

“I-.” Before I can finish, Chris saves me. 

“Sometimes I get gay thoughts.” He did not need to say that. Oh gosh, I should have stopped him. “I mean obviously I turn them off, but like...sometimes.”

“Don’t we all, Chris,” James responds. Arnold shakes his head slowly, but no one else really knows what to say. 

James looks around. “No?”   
“No,” Arnold says. There’s a murmur around the rest of the group, and I bring myself to shrug. 

“Well, I think it’s OK to have gay thoughts, so long as you never act upon them,” Kevin says. Oh, I wish. Suddenly, my brain switches back into super-Mormon hell-dream mode, and I realise what a bad job I’ve been doing at turning it off. What would my parents think? What does god think? My whole body tightens as consequences form a tornado is my head, dizzying me.

“No, because then you’re just keeping it down. Like ‘nobody needs to know’,” I snap at him, flashing back onto the many lessons. My mind races. What am I doing thinking about Kevin? If I was any good as a Mormon, I could just Turn it Off. Turn It Off. Turn It Off.   
”You just need to turn it off!” Elder Zelder says. 

“Is...is that a thing?” Kevin asks.

“They didn’t teach you that at home?” Poptarts asks. 

“No..?” 

“Ok, so what you do is you...imagine that your brain is filled with tiny little boxes, that keep all your thoughts in little categories. Right?” I say. Kevin nods. “Now, find the box that has all the gay thoughts in it and then you grab the box, and you CRUSH IT. Ok?” He stares at me wide eyed. “So are they gone?”

“No...No, I’m not having gay thoughts!”

“Oh.” Arnold gasps. 

“It worked!” He goes to give Kevin a high five, but he only sucks in his cheeks and frowns. I try to calm my heavy breathing. I’ve gotten myself a little worked up about all of this, but I guess for good reason. Without this conversation, who knows what would have happened. Still, I breathe deeply, attempting to slow my heart rate, which must be equivalent to that of a marathon runner. 

We keep walking in silence. 

“That is the last time I try to start a conversation,” James says. There’s a murmur of agreement, and the small talk starts up again. I zone out, still trying to calm myself. Kevin is just a phase. I don’t need to worry about him, because after my mission, I’ll come back home and marry a beautiful LDS women, who I’ll love dearly and romantically. Nothing can get in the way of that. 

Right?

“Are you OK Con?” I look up to see Kevin beside me, looking concerned. 

“Yeah fine.” 

The rest of the walk happens in silence. 

...

We get back just in time for the pre dinner service. It’s very lighthearted, mainly focusing on the beautiful weather. When we leave, everyone is in a good mood, and we’re all talking again. Elder Neely is talking about his mothers bread. 

“Maybe, once we’re done here, I’ll get her to make some for everybody!”

“That would be great!” Elder Davis says. We enter the dining hall and serve ourselves up some dinner, which is pasta tonight. I give myself a small serving, before realising how hungry I am after the walk and going back for seconds. Kevin laughs at me.

“What, I’m hungry?!” I complain, mouth half-full, smiling.

“Clearly,” He grins. I eat the last few mouthfuls of my second serving, and Kevin pushes his plate to me. “I’m not gonna finish this.” In the week that I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him turn down a meal. 

“Are you ok?”  
“Yeah! Just not hungry,” He shrugs. I can tell something’s up.

“Kevin.”

“I’ve just got a bit of a headache, that’s all.”

“Are you dehydrated?”  
“Almost definitely,” He responds, rubbing his forehead. I roll my eyes and fill up his water glass for him. He drinks it, then pours himself another. 

“If you knew it was that, then why didn’t you just drink?” 

“Because I didn’t really care until I knew it was bugging you.”  
“It wasn’t bugging me, I just don’t want you to be in pain.” He sighs. “I’ll get you some Tylenol.”

“No! I’m fine.” I stand up. “Connor.” I shrug and walk away. I go up to one of the men working here. 

“Excuse me, sir, could I get some Tylenol for Ke- Elder Price? He has a bad headache?” He quickly asks a few more questions to make sure I’m telling the truth, because all I really wanna do is get high on Panadol. Eventually though, he gives it to me. I take it back to Kevin, who takes them immediately. 

“Great! I’m cured!” He says sarcastically.

“Be patient!”

“Ok!”

“You know, my mom always tries to use peppermint essential oil to cure headaches.”

“Does it work?”

“No. It makes it worse.” 

...

We get back to our dorm and immediately get ready for bed. I’m not used to long distance walking like that, especially through hills, and I’m sore. I climb under my covers, where it seems to be colder than before. A shiver goes down my spine, my skin prickling.

“Con?”

“Yeah?” I turn over to face Kevin’s bed. 

“Would it help if...if I slept next to you?” Say no say no say no say no. 

“...if you don’t mind...” I say instead. Besides, if it’s actually stopping the dreams, it has to be a good thing.   
He shakes his head, standing up and walking towards me.

“Not at all,” He responds, curling his arms around me as I turn back around. “It’s warmer, anyway.” I adjust myself so I’m comfortable.

“Night Kev.”

“Night Connor.”

...

I wake up from a dreamless sleep at about six am. Kevin is sitting up. I yawn and prop myself up next to him. I put my hand on his back. He’s sweating, despite the cold. His head is resting in his hands. I sit there rubbing his back for a while. 

“Sorry. You can go back to sleep.”

“No. Are you ok? Did you have a dream?” He nods. I put my arm around him. He starts to lie down and I follow him, taking his hand and lacing our fingers together. He squeezes my hand and closes his eyes. I do the same, but I can’t get back to sleep. What if I was a hell dream? Because of me? I want to take my hand back, I want him to go back to his bed, but I can’t. I can tell he’s asleep, if not, very relaxed, as his breathing is slow and deep. So, I push the thoughts back into my head. Back into their box. I crush it, no, burn it. Blow it up. And that’s it. That’s the end of that.


End file.
